SOS: I Have Contracted Nice Guy Syndrome

SOS I Have Contracted Nice Guy Syndrome Lester Lee hawk + pearl nice guys vs jerks

Every human is a unique individual and every person has their own qualities and blah blah, but when it comes to dating, there are essentially two types of men: nice guys and jerks. Nice guys tend to be complete pushovers and overall flaccid, spineless cowards. Jerks have no regard for a girl’s feelings and only care about two things: getting girls and getting more girls.

This morning I woke up, looked in the mirror, and realized I’ve contracted the Nice Guy Syndrome.

If you’ve read any of my previous work, then you know I’ve often labeled myself as a proud asshole, someone who’s not afraid to say what’s on his brain regardless of whether or not it hurts feelings. I wouldn’t classify myself as a jerk when it came to dating, but I certainly wasn’t the nice guy either…

Until now.

Unsolicited and unreciprocated “good morning” texts. Giving compliments on top of compliments on top of compliments to the point where words lose their meaning and the girl ignores me when I say them. Constant check ins to see how the girl’s day is going. Liking all Facebook statuses and Instagram photos just to let her know I’m thinking about them.

Uck, disgusting. What have I become?

Now there’s nothing wrong with being a nice human being. In fact, you ought to be. Hold open doors. Say “bless you” when someone sneezes. Let somebody know when their shoelaces are untied. Apply deodorant before you leave the house. All of those things are crucial in being a good, active member of society.

But when it comes to direct interpersonal communication, especially with a person of the opposite sex, there comes a breaking point where you go from being kind to being extremely annoying and overall unattractive. There’s a fine line between the two points, but there’s a noticeable shift in the dynamic of the relationship upon crossing of that said line.

Basically what I’m saying is that when you beat someone over the head with kindness, you lose a level of equality in the relationship, and you become less than.

This is doubled if you’re a man. I can feel the testosterone escaping my body every time I ask a girl if she’s okay. There is nothing wrong with asking a girl “did you get home safe?” after a date, but once you start texting her at random hours saying “I just saw a cloud in the sky that reminded me of you,” you might as well feed your genitals to wild animals because you will never be needing them.

Nice Guy Syndrome (NGS) is a serious illness affecting guys nationwide, and I have contracted that illness. I went from ignoring texts and purposely sending phone calls to voicemail to now texting girls “I miss you” after seeing them 30 minutes earlier. I went from saying “I’ll buy next round” to saying “put your money away, you’re with me.” I went from blatantly ignoring a girl when she told me about her day to now not only actively listening but asking questions to hear more details.

SOS. Help me.

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Lester Lee is the King of Deadseriousness. Emotionally unavailable. Master of his domain and just all around unimpressed by anything that isn't glazed. Twitter: @TheLesterLee

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