Welcome back for the third week of The Bachelorette BFF Recap! This week, Shelby unfortunately couldn’t watch the show, so I’ve invited special guest Lester Lee to join us. He’s probably pissed and embarrassed that his name has to be attached to ABC’s The Bachelorette, but he’s doing it because he’s a good human and a BFF… and he watches the show.
A LOT has happened on tonight’s episode, so to not waste any time, let’s get started!
Overall, tonight consisted of three main components:
- Evan bitching about Chad
Chase and JoJo had a super adorable one-on-one date at a yoga studio. He got a rose.
James Taylor and JoJo had a super adorable one-on-one date where they learned to swing dance, then sat in a car on a mountain top. He got a rose.
Evan bitched the entire episode and gave JoJo the following ultimatum that made him look like a spoiled brat: “If Chad stays, then I’m going home.” He got the group rose………………..
We are now left on a cliffhanger where Chad has been given the green light from Chris Harrison to take matters into his own hands and settle this beef with E-Money AKA Evan (thank you, Wells) once and for all.
I canNOT wait to see Evan get beat up tomorrow night. Just kidding. I seriously don’t like, nor do I ever promote, violence… but Evan is totally being a little bitch and it’s getting really annoying. #TeamChad #LeaveChadAlone
Lester: I learned a lot about JoJo in this episode. If you present lips in front of her, she will take full advantage. How many camera men do you think she hooked up with this week? All of them? Did you know that Zika virus can now be transmitted via kissing? Educate yourself.
More importantly, I learned a lot about Evan. He is a 33-year old flaccid dick whisperer with children who stands no chance of being successful and possesses the emotional instability of Marcia Brady whenever Jan got more attention than she did.
Just going to hit some quick points. Hang in there.
- James Taylor is the lamest guy on planet Earth. Hey, James, your virginity is showing.
- Do you think JoJo knows the difference between Grant and Christian? I don’t.
- Am I wrong or was Chad just casually eating a head of iceberg lettuce? Perfect dessert after biting into a freshly plucked yam.
- Daniel the Canadian got some big speaking lines this week, so hopefully that never happens again.
- Chad vs. Evan might be the biggest clash of Titans since Perseus slayed the Gorgon.
And last but not least…
Evan: “If the handsome and charismatic Chad stays, then I, the weird erectile dysfunction specialist with children you don’t want to meet, am going home.”
JoJo: “Haha… um alright, Evan. Uh, here’s a rose… now please stop breathing on me.”
Morgan: Chad referenced Spongebob in this episode which made me SO HAPPY. Other than that, Lester covered everything else that needed to be said. Well. Done.
Lester: James Taylor is going to cry for no reason. Aaron Rodgers’ little brother is going to keep waiting in the background for all the strange guys to be eliminated just like he used to wait for big bro’s sloppy seconds. Alex is going to tell Chad that he’s not afraid of him. JoJo will make out with everyone within arm’s length. Evan is going to tattle tale. Chad will have food in his mouth at all given opportunities.
Morgan: Once again, I second Lester. As far as eliminations are concerned, I think Ali, Christian, James F., and Vinny are going home.
And that’s all for this week’s The Bachelorette BFF Recap! A gigantic thank you for tonight’s hilarious and accurate commentary to the one and only King Lester Lee (of Dead Seriousness), who recently wrote an absolutely phenomenal post for hawk + pearl which you should read if you haven’t yet already done so: So She Didn’t Text Back.
Be sure to come back tomorrow night for yet another episode recap. Yup, that’s right, ladies and gents, we get two doses of Bachelorette drama this week.
See you then! Thank you to all, and to all a good night!
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