Bachelorette season already?! Yup!
Welcome to The Bachelorette BFF Recap: Season 12! Join us, Shelby and Morgan, each week as we share our recap, thoughts, and predictions on ABC’s The Bachelorette. Our posts will never contain spoilers and will always include our completely honest, original opinions. However, we can’t promise we won’t be drunk off wine when we write this.
Monday night was the premier of the 2016 Bachelorette season starring JoJo Fletcher. JoJo is the realest, sweetest, down-to-earth gal the show has ever casted. Just look at how she treated all the guys who came out of the limo — she was welcoming, kind, and complimentary (and not to mention beautiful). We are so excited that she is the one to have this shot at finding true love.
Without further ado, let’s dive into Episode 1:
Blue balls, unicorns, Santa, and man skirts — oh my!
The show started off with a bunch of unique introductions, followed by a shit ton of alcohol and drunk guys. JoJo and Will had an awkward first kiss, meanwhile JoJo and Jordan had an intense makeout sesh. Daniel stripped, the guys got wasted, and Saint Nick “Jo Jo Jo”d until the sun came up (literally… did anybody else realize it was bright out when the rose ceremony ended?). And “girlie,” how did Evan even make it through the first rose ceremony?
And how about them occupations?
From hipster to Bachelor superfan to erectile dysfunction expert, are we kidding? How little applicants did ABC actually get for the 2016 season?
Coley, Jake, Jonathan, Nick S., Peter, and Sal went home. We weren’t surprised at all. Were you?
At first glance, they’re an attractive bunch of guys… After the episode unfolded, we started to see their true colors.
Shelby: Can I just talk about CHAD CHAD CHAD CHAD CHAD for a second? Did you think I was going to talk about his violence? Well, I’m not. Is he not the hottest piece of bachelorette ass you have ever seen? He can punch as many people and threaten as many lives as he wants. IDGAF. So Chad, HMU. 😉 welp, that’s all this week.
Morgan: First off, Jordan is hot… like extremely hot. I hope he doesn’t win because I want him for myself. With that being said, I think Jordan is actually going to win which I’m really pissed about. I also wish I could hire Evan to say “God bless America” every time I enter a room. I can’t really think of anything else to say. Those two things stood out to me the most, so I guess that’s it.
Shelby: Ali, Brandon, Evan, and Vinny are going home next week. Ali is just not her type. Brandon’s occupation is a “hipster.” Evan – I cannot stand his existence. And Vinny thinks he’s Eminem.
The top four is going to be Jordan, Alex, Robby, and Luke. I think Robby is going to take home the final rose.
Morgan: Brandon, Daniel, Vinny, and Will go home next week. There’s no redemption from that awkward kiss with Will, Daniel is too wild, Vinny is a wannabe tough guy, and who’s Brandon?
Some tension will unfold with Chad, but the good stuff won’t happen until about week 3 or 4. Robby will probably get a one-on-one date.
My overall prediction? I think it’s going to be Jordan, Robby, Luke, and Alex in the top 4; Jordan, Robby, and Luke in the top 3; Jordan vs. Robby in the top 2; and Jordan will be “The One” JoJo picks in the end.
And that’s it for Episode 1! Come back next week for our discussion of Episode 2. Thanks for reading, and as Evan always says, “God bless America.”